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Hackmaster episode 72

Page history last edited by PBworks 14 years, 8 months ago

”Do you have any healing spells?”

“Healing spells? What about them?”

 

There is a little confusion as to why Gingersnap has butted into the conversation, but he’s humoured, sort of.

 

“Just cast one.”

“Do you look half dead?”

“Half-dead? I’m in a parlous state.”

“Parlous? Well I’m healing myself.”

 

Of course, Gingersnap has forgotten that he can’t heal himself, but luckily Little Timmy is used to his mentor’s foibles and heals both Gingersnap and Buckminster with scarcely a roll of the eyes. Though the two recipients do continue to argue while Little Timmy does his thing.

 

And then there’s a further argument about whether Arnott will go invisible. He’s apparently persuaded by Hero Topps’ strong argument that being invisible is dishonourable. Though Gingersnap is not fazed by this indirect assault on his honour, the Gawds do notice, I’m sure.

 

Then there’s another argument about whether the goats should be used as decoys. The goats win and we choose Gingersnap as an able replacement for their part in our master plan.

 

So Gingersnap blinks out and flies into the big ol’ room, where he silently flits behind the 10 foot one-eyed orc dude thing, and blows the Horn of the Budget Valkyries in the big guys ear, possibly rupturing his ear-drum and certainly shocking three kinds of shit out of the dude. Five feisty budget valkyries are dragged from Valhalla and set to. And a general melee ensues. Though the 10 foot one-eyed orc dude thing morphs into a slightly pudgy 5 foot 7 human on being whacked by GG.

 

The combat isn’t wildly interesting. The highlight was Mike’s d20 playing up and being put into isolation to teach it a lesson after it had the temerity to roll a 3. Mike’s second stringer then shows commendable solidarity by also revealing a 3 on his next roll, and he grinds his teeth. Then his dice decide to mess with his mind by giving him a critical and then snake-eyes on the damage roll. It’s a mighty competition between Mike and his feisty and spirited dice, but the big guy eventually seems to come out on top after one of the d6’s scabs and gives him a mighty penetration. The Haitaitai Working Dice Union’s industrial action collapses in bitter infighting and dice monkey’s everywhere applaud.

 

Buckminster stabbed GG, though it is currently unclear whether this was in revenge for Gingersnap’s questioning of his right to be healed by Little Timmy. Then Hero Topps’ whacks Gingersnap, it is currently unclear whether this was an accident or whether HT was just feeling left out and felt like whacking Gingersnap for no particular reason other than his general demeanour. Gingersnap complains bitterly but is largely ignored. He still tries to look cool for the valkyries. Like a cat that’s fallen off a bed. But not as cool. The valkyries ignore him. Though it’s currently unclear as to how much of this is because most of them were paralysed or dead at this stage in the proceedings, probably not much of it.

 

Mike’s dice go back to screwing with his mind, giving a critical and a fumble in the same round. Mike merely stares at them intently, possibly threateningly, but maybe just confusedly. There’s a faint sound of sniggering.

 

Buckminster leaps onto the dino’s back and kills it heroically. We call this move, “doing the Rico”.

 

Marvin loots the MU and is crassly and unjustly and bizarrely acused of stealing from the party. So he willingly gives up all his loot and lets others carry everything. Feeling a little hard done by as he only wanted to pull his weight, and feels at least a little justified in his decision not to stand shoulder to shoulder with the great warriors in the party (a little cos the things they fight are kind of hard to hit for a little fella like him, and partly cos he’d already seen what happened to Gingersnap when he fought alongside the rest of the party).

 

So the high-level party members get all the good stuff.

 

But the Party follows Marvin down the tunnel, and he even manages to get Buckminster to say “please”. Manners will get you far young man. Gingersnap has a stupid idea and everyone agreed with it. But Marvin saves the day by pointing out that it’s stupid (very nicely, as he has manners) and everyone agrees with him. Fickle, this bunch.

 

Then we get bored searching for secret doors to the Loot Chamber TM. But there doesn’t appear to be one. Nor did the MU have any spell books. Damn you Gygax.

 

END OF PART ONE - Fighty adventury bit

 

START OF PART TWO - Fluffing Around Adventury Bit

 

Gingersnap goes off fishing, cos, y’know, he’s Chaotic or something. Then he gets bored and comes back.

 

Oh yeah, we’ve made it out of the evil Dungeon TM and are inside a large volcanic caldera which may be 2 or 10 miles across, and 3 miles around. There is some discussion about the physical possibility of this, but we get bored. In the caldera is a lake. And in the lake is an island. And on the island is a town, and maybe a fortress.

 

Then Gingersnap has another stupid idea and tells Hero Topps’ that GG is a slaver. HT goes for his sword but then realises that GG is lying through his crescent shaped bony ridges.

 

There is much discussion about how to get across the lake. Swimming, stealing boats, walking along the bottom, flying. It gets kinda boring so Marvin wanders off down a track. Buckminster follows him and the two artistes hire passage on a boat. Which is most satisfactory.

 

Then they hang around for a bit and everyone but Hero Topps turns up on the next ferry. Gingersnap being inconspicuous by posing heroically on the bowsprit. I’m told the ferryman seemed to recognise Gingersnap and had this theory that he was a slaver from way back. Eyebrows are raised, but no one feels game to question him.

 

HT had apparently decided to walk across the lake bottom, as he was worried that if anyone asked him why he was around they might take offence when he mantioned our plans to wreck havoc and destroy their way of life. His plan failed, of course, because he can’t breath under water. So he comes across on the next ferry, paying a vast quantity of gold to do so. Bloody Tourist. The ferryman apparently didn’t believe him. Though Hero Topps was slightly agrieved when asked if he was in the pimping business with Gingersnap.

 

GG gets in Marvin’s pack, so as to prevent the townsfolk from recognising and mobbing him. (He thinks in a good rockgawd sort of a way). But pops out when he smells alcohol on entering the bar and gets completely paralytic on a couple of glasses of wine.

 

Marvin generously wanders downstairs to scoop the comotose PF into a bed for the night, but seems to lose GG’s bloody ridiculous goatee on the way up the stairs. He does put GG in the recovery position and pats him down for incriminating slaver evidence. But GG appears to have mislaid his shopping list.

 

Meanwhile Buckminster has fasioned himself a goatee out of straw and escaped out the window to partake in a hair-raising adventure which achieves nothing. He buys drinks for everyone he meets and tries to get gossip on the Pixie Fairy trade – there isn’t any.

 

A big guy accosts him and accuses him of being a “perfumed ponce”. The ensuing fight ends with Buckminster cutting the big bullies belt and tumbling out of a window while everyone laughs at pantless guy. Then Buckminster removes his goatee under the impression that this will make it less likely for him to be thought of as a ponce. Time will tell.

 

And he spends the evening happily scrawling grafitti and defacing signs.

 

THE END

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